The holiday rush is on, but we can still take orders up until midnight, Thursday Dec. 18. It's the SubGenius holiday of Xistlessnessmess, during which we unshackle our factory workers and send them home for a couple of weeks. BUT! If you order a gift by late Thursday, it can go in the mail on Friday and you or your intended victim will have it by Xmas.
What if X-Day happened on Xistlessnessmess Day? It wouldn't be the first time vast numbers of humans were slaughtered by an Act of God on Dec. 25. You'd hate to see your loved ones go unordained and unsaved on that day just because you procrastinated, dragged your feet or were dead broke.
ORDAIN YOURSELF OR A FRIEND
Even those who have become ordained ministers in the Church need the three major bibles of our religion. Of course, everyone already has THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, but many SubGenii consider REVELATION X to be better, and the Third Testament, Psychlopaedia of Slack THE BOBLIOGRAPHON, to be better yet.
ALL BOOKS WE SELL ARE SIGNED BY YOURS TRULY, REV. STANG. That has actually been true for years, but we thought this Xmas we'd actually MENTION that fact.
Illiterates might be happier with our primary DVD, ARISE! If you haven't seen the new improved version (updated 2005), you have not even LIVED. There are several more recent SubGenius DVDs available as well. The great thing about our videos is that they are not copy-protected. When you buy one for yourself, it's like you are buying one for all your buddies as well.
But the greatest gift of all, short of Salvation, is a subscription to THE HOUR OF SLACK so that every week for 6 months, you or your begifted one will receive the uncensored version of the same professional audio CDs that the radio stations get.
HOUR OF SLACK GIFT SUBSCRIPTION
Another good deal would be any of our MP3 stashes on CD-R. With one $15 purchase you can have up to 80 Hours of Slack, or mixed media barrages, music and devival recordings.
SUBGENIUS MP3 COLLECTIONS
And of course there are hundreds of designs on shirts, hoodies, baby clothes, mugs, buttons, posters, mousepads, geegaws, etc., at our sprawling SubGenius Store on CafePress.
THE SUBGENIUS STORE
WE KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING FINANCIALLY, now that the EconoCataclysm has arrived (just as "Bob" predicted in 1977!). We too feel the emptiness in your wallet. But your heart and brain need not go empty just because you are dead flat-ass broke. WE STILL OFFER FREEBIES GALORE on our website, latest of which is:
THE INFINITELY RECURSIVE DOBBSHEAD SCREEN SAVER
(Only for Windows PCs, sorry)
This intense visual hypnosis device was created by Rev. Frank Force and you can download it directly from him via:
RECURSIVE DOBBSHEAD SCREENSAVER
Of course, Hours of Slack are always available for free download, and this week we're offering our traditional SubGenius Christmas Rerun, an incredible barrage of over 70 different tracks, each of which takes a truly SICK or otherwise deranged bite out of the holidays. If the Christmas Carols that run incessantly and annoyingly on the Muzak speakers in your environment are about to drive you completely nuts, this show is the antidote. That's Hour of Slack #1183. The previous show, #1182, is also Christmas-y, albeit disrespectfully.
HOUR OF SLACK XMAS SPECIALS
Get those Xmas orders in by Thursday Dec. 18 and we'll have them all in the mail by Friday Dec. 19! If your order is a gift you want sent to someone else, simply put your friend's name and address in the "SHIPPING ADDRESS" box.
In the meantime, we at The SubGenius Foundation wish you and your pals an extremely Slackful holiday.